| the story so far.. |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|02:39 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | music |
| | smashing pumpkins-disarm | ] |
Well, after long arguements. I've decided to try once more with the whole marriage thing. I can't face divorce..it feels like im giving up too early. She agree's with me but for now, we're taking things slowly and im taking back all the shit i gave her when we were dating so she earns my respect. Don't get me wrong im fucking gutted she slept with joe but i trust her when she say's she'll never do it again.
As for the whole joe case going through, i decided not to testify as a witness against him. A lot of people are sticking up for him right now and his mate's have already warned me i won't stay out of hospital if i recall what'd happened. For this, im eternally sorry and if i had ball's, i'd fucking do it without question but jesus ju..you know what one of his mate's is like. Im not prepared to be stabbed for him to be sent down. He said he wouldn't do it again.. and if it falls through, you know i will watch out for you when your down. promise you that.
My job's hanging in the balance because of my recent stablility. My car's been smashed and well, everything's on a downer lately. I have no idea whats in my head right now. Maybe i should take some time off and go travelling with jackie.. might be good to get away for a bit.
thats about it.. it might get worse, we'll see. |
|
|
| ok so im at a stand still.. |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|03:54 pm] |
Im working out wether or not marriage will work right now. I mean, me and jackie get on well. And i agree i may have rushed the whole marriage angle. The fact she cheated on me hurt like a mother-fucker but i think about why she did it and i can only conclude it was my fault.
She was open enough to admit she'd done it and i know she's truelly sorry. And a part of me can't help but blame myself for all this.
I didn't make nearly enough time as i should of and the fact she was hanging out with joe more considers she was just after attention.
I don't know..my heads screwed right now.
Jackie wants to go to marriage councelling and im considering wether or not to bother. We're not as close anymore but a part of me still wants to give it a shot.
I just hope im doing the right thing and not giving up completely. |
|
|
| erm..yeah |
[Nov. 5th, 2006|10:55 pm] |
its all fucked. All of it. I've been a royal ass and im fucked because of it. Seem's all the friends she made me ditch are the one's who are still here. Im a fucking nutjob for having listened. I can only hope the old me will come back sooner than expected.
Man i feel low..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUWEEDY FOR TOMORROW! LOVE YA LOTS, MISS YOU A FUCKING BUCKET LOAD!
sent you something too. Hope you take it as an apology aswell for being a prick.
DAVE? DUDE, IM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING..you know this, im telling you now. |
|
|
| i was a bit harsh.. |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|04:09 pm] |
ju? apologies for what i said. I would still defend you but i walked him home incase he didn't come after you. God's honest truth. Im so sorry from the bottom of my heart that he came along with us. My wife appears to have some sort of hate campaign going on where your concerned and it came out that she's jealous of you hun.
Which is a stupid thing to be because if anything was there. It would have happened ages ago.. daft bint.
This concludes that our relationship right now isn't off on the best of start's but xmas will be fortunate. No drunken family arguing over who's is what and all that.
My resolution is to make it up with ju and i will do whatever it takes to be friends again. I've been a prick and your brother let slip about why your never down.. i didn't know things were that bad :(
I feel utterly shit you were pushed as far as smoking too. You haven't touched them in year's and then all of a sudden..you started again. I've missed so much with people.
I know dave went to Ireland too which sucks as he now blanks me and regularly threatens to kick the living shit out of me for being a prick towards the people he loves and Tom's also after my ass because of it. I don't seem to be able to say sorry enough.. i know its my fault but i didn't purposly set out to hurt.
anyway, im in the need for anti-depressents the way im going. I've quit the speed too.. you should know that ju! its gone.. ive got help. again.. im sorry. x |
|
|
| its been fucked up for me,... |
[Oct. 23rd, 2006|01:01 pm] |
erm..saturday was rather messed.
I stupidly allowed Joe to tag along with us on instruction of the mrs. And im utterly sorry i did.
Well all went to blu where ju and sam happened to be drinking and well.. joe had to make a comment about how little friends she had. My insane wife laughed with him and i must say for this i have made an utter mistake..
I told him if he had friends he wouldn't be tagging on to which he got annoyed but laughed it off i guess.
Suprise, suprise we sat opposite them and joe drinking heavily he started to think they were talking about him. I probably know, that wasn't the case as sam's just had a baby and ju was pointing at her figure.
Anywho.. he went over and said something. Its joe so it wasn't civil and ju shouted for him to leave. It didn't work like that but he left there and then back to our table.
All night with him was a pain in the ass and when we finally agreed we'd had enough, he stayed behind by himself.
Im afraid to say, i ditched my wife and waited for him to leave. He didn't seem of stable mind when he'd literally drunk too much. And it proved right to, he grabbed ju by the neck and swung her into an alley way when she was leaving. sam was screaming and i pulled him away but i doubt it made much difference.. ju was frozen like a statue. Ive never seen her so scared and i wish to god, she'd tell me what he said. But i haven't been a friend in a long time and im starting to realise what a big fuck-off mistake i got myself into.
ju? im sorry..im sorry for saturday, im sorry for leaving you, im sorry for everything.
And you can't imagine how worried i am for you right now. I don't even know if you were ok.. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|02:08 pm] |
|
well..i'll make it short. Im getting married next year..january 25th..st.dwynwens day and so fucking excited. |
|
|
| goodbye my friend |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|01:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pixies | ] |
erm...where do i begin..i regret to say, i no longer have a long term friend. Yes, i needed to say goodbye to my old friend ju. And i regret to say, its for the better.
Jackie and me have had a lot of arguement's lately and she feel's she can't take me looking out for ju 24/7..i must say, im too getting to tired to keep up with it. Don't get me wrong, ju never asked me to be there for her..in fact, she told me to leave her be. But i promised her mum, i'd take care of her and im really sorry to say, i cannot fulfill that promise any longer. Ju? you mean the world to me, you really do. But i can't do this anymore..i can't give up my relationship and give you more time than i give my girlfriend. It's really not fair on her at all.
And so, i can only apologise for the way i've behaved with you over the past few weeks..don't get me wrong, im mad you went to extreme lengths to stop hurting but i thought if i put you down enough, that you'd decide we shouldn't be friends anymore and you'd have made the decision for me. I never ment to say, chris was just another guy using you. I hate myself more for saying stuff about your folks..especially when your mum took me in when i was younger. I just hope you don't think im a complete arsehole when you think of me..
Im in love ju..and i can't let her go. I really can't..If i did, we'd stay friends but you'd never truelly be friends because there's always something at the back of your head that tell's you..why didn't it work? right? I can't do it. it'd tear me up inside and you know i can act strong but im really not..and what you've heard im afraid is true. I've stopped the acid, honestly i have. It's a way of coping with all this shit i have going round in my head. I know sean told you..im glad he did. But then again, i know how you two are with each other so im grateful you actually read his txt and tried to get in touch. I really hope you guys can be friends again. I hope we can be when all this has blown over but for now..im really sorry it's come to this..really sorry. x |
|
|
| hmm... |
[Jul. 7th, 2006|02:14 pm] |
Well today seems to have gone from hot to cold and although im freezing my nuts off thanks to the fat guy needing so much air he has to open the windows..its an excellent day for me.
Why? I hear you ask...i'll list them..
1.I have no work to do, as i've been given an PA!
2.He makes me tea and gets lunch when i ask him too :)
3.Thanks to ju, i know the girl in the office liked me. We're now going on a date tomorrow night
4.Ju's back to sort my mess out :p Like she always does..
5.I have money for the weekend!!!!!
So i can sit in my chair, stick more post-its on my desk and happily cuckle to the fact i bought an ipod last night! no more radio 2 for me :)
On a personnal note..i decided i'd make an effort to try and get to know chris for ju's sake as i believe he isn't good enough. Im not sold yet, but still making an effort i guess.
And me and faye are no longer friends. As she smirked at the fact ju and chris were on the rocks..Therefore i apologise to ju for not seeing what she's like and can only say in my defence im a twat. She also told me what she said to make you stop playing your guitar..it personnaly made me want to punch her, but im glad to say im better than that.
But the fact remains..i truelly am sorry i doubted you. |
|
|
| work, work, work |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|02:15 pm] |
hmm..almost finishing work thanks to the heat and i already feel like my lungs have given way and my heart may explode at any second. But..there's a wage involved in my sufference so i guess its cool-it means i can afford beverages and food and pay the rent for the month :) yay!
I need to talk to ju..i have a situation that i don't understand :( She's good with girlie issues of this type.. pants. I shall therefore curse her with bad luck for all eternity for choosing to ignore me! ignore! silly moose..ah well..
Spoke to her fella yestaday so well see what he's like..apart from typical drunk student :p
Hmm, i seem to be getting lax in the news around here. Need to make a game of the filing system me thinks..catch you all later. If anyone actually reads..
x |
|
|
| blahhhhhhhh... |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|01:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work *cries* | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | radio 2 *cries more* | ] |
Sooooo im in work after almost being sacked :( Which is deserved considering i did a flit. But meh..
Erm..the love lifes on hold right now and i have to start cutting back on the beer as im starting to get a gut :( not good.
Also..ju!ju! the wonderful ju! i never, never see you :( Come talk to me or at least tell me why your always offline.. seems its been awhile. Oh, and sarahs laughing at you and your mr because and i quote "you have truat issues" :s thats about all i know..but when neale gets back from london thou shall ask..
Anyway..thats all i have to report right now. I'd like to say weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to you all and have a good night.
byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
justintheline's journal